In His Eyes
by Yanagi-sen
Summary: Absence makes the heart grow fonder... or depressed... Will they part forever?


**_In His Eyes_**

By Yanagi-sen

Weiss Kreuz songfic

Usual disclaimers apply.  Characters aren't mine… I just like to torment them.  The song is called, 'In His Eyes' from the musical Jekyll and Hyde by Bricusse and Wildhorn.

Warnings: implied shounen ai, mild angst, POV switching, kind of OOC and AU, and an ending people probably won't be happy with… ^_^

**_~I sit and watch the rain, / And see my tears run down the windowpane…~_**

*Omi*

The day seemed to mirror his mood.  The rain poured steadily out of a leaden sky, what light was able to straggle through the clouds was weak and only served to render everything in the same dull gray.  He sat at his desk, looking out at the water that beat unrelentingly against the window.  There were so many things he could be doing, that he should be doing… but wasn't.  The screensaver had started running a long time ago, the kitten chasing random balls of string across the screen.  Every once in a while it would stop and mew at him.  Normally that could cause him to smile a bit, but his face didn't seem able to make that expression.

He sighed, wondering where this melancholy was coming from.  Aside from the fact that he hadn't been able to see Nagi in over a week.  Hadn't heard from him either.  They were trying to keep their relationship a secret for now, more for Nagi's safety than for his own.  It had been for the other boy that they had agreed to not contact each other for a while.  The brunette's teammates were getting a little suspicious.

But knowing why they couldn't be together didn't make it easier on either of them.  He watched the rain run down the glass, and wondered if they were rain drops or tears in his reflection.

**_~I sit and watch the sky, / And I can hear it breathe a sigh…~_**

*Nagi*

He sighed again and wondered what was wrong with him.  Normally a rainy day didn't bother him all that much.  If he didn't have any work to do, he generally curled up in a blanket on the couch with a book and spent the day lost in the story.  But today he found himself just staring at the same page for the last half hour.  It wasn't that the book was boring, far from it, but he just couldn't focus.

Looking up at the window, all he could see were clouds and rain.  The apartment was quiet.  Schu had claimed to be suffering from cabin fever and convinced Brad to take him shopping.  Farf was busy making something in the kitchen and watching whatever was on Food Network.  It really was surprising at times how good of a cook he was.

He finally decided he was lonely.  It had been his suggestion to lay low and let Schu's suspicious mind get bored.  He would like to think it would be okay… now that their 'battles' with Weiss seemed to have ended.  But he didn't want to take that chance.  So he was stuck at home, trying to read a book, when he would rather have been at the movies with his boyfriend.  Or the café.  Or anywhere for that matter, as long as he didn't have to be alone.

**_~I think of him, / How we were…~_**

*Omi*

He had to admit, it had been fun, sneaking around, arranging clandestine meetings in out of the way spots.  He was a bit of an adrenaline junkie, he couldn't help it, he'd grown up that way.  He had enjoyed that bit of danger, that chance that they might be discovered.  But he had feared for Nagi.

The brunette would just smile slightly when Omi mentioned how exciting it was.  Smile, but not agree.  He suspected it was a bit on the stressful side for Nagi.  But their times together were wonderful.  Even if all they did was walk through the park, or duck into one of those tiny ramen shops for a quick meal.  It wasn't so much what they did, but the fact that they were together.

It was the person he was with that made the time special.

**_~And when I think of him, / Then I remember… remember…~_**

*Nagi*

At times he felt like he's been alone his whole life.  Even surrounded by other students, or here at home, there was a barrier between himself and others.  When Schu played Freud, he would tell Nagi that the barrier was created by the boy.  That he was responsible for the distance between him and the people who might be friends.  Then Nagi would tell him to go bug someone else.  He knew he had created that wall; it had initially been in defense.  Then later because he simply didn't know how to act around people, especially having to keep Schwarz's secret.  The only ones who had ever made it past the wall were his teammates… and Omi.  And Omi was the only one to see the 'real' Nagi.  

He remembered their first 'secret' meeting.  How wonderful it felt to be able to be… himself.  He hadn't been himself in so long… he had been afraid he couldn't be that person anymore.  But somehow… Omi brought it out of him.  He closed his eyes, replaying the memories in his mind.

**_~In his eyes I can see, / Where my heart longs to be!... ~_**

*Omi*

He guessed it had been the first time he'd seen the boy's eyes.  When they weren't fighting, that was.  Those eyes, the darkest blue Omi had ever seen, at first they appeared cold and apathetic.  But when he'd seen Nagi at the park, sitting under a tree, watching a couple squirrels playing in the grass; those eyes showed so much more.  There was a gentleness to the telekinetic, and a feeling of sadness, that clung to him as tightly as that gray uniform he wore.

Omi had decided then and there, to bring happiness to those eyes.  And in trying to do so, inadvertently brought happiness to himself.

**_~In his eyes I see a gentle glow, / And that's where I'll be safe I know!... ~_**

*Nagi*

He was the first truly kind soul that Nagi had ever met.  There wasn't a bit of mean spirit in the blond.  Not even for the people he killed.  He did what he had to do; it was as simple as that.  Omi could be remarkably pragmatic at times.  But he was so kind.  You could see it in his eyes, in his voice, in the gentle way he had knelt beside Nagi, and watched the squirrels play.

For the first time in his life, Nagi wasn't afraid to be near someone.  He wasn't worried that Omi would turn on him or abandon him without warning.  With Omi he felt special, he felt safe… and he felt happy.

**_~Safe in his arms, close to his heart…~_**

*Omi*

There was nothing he liked better, than to wrap his arms around Nagi and just hold him.  Hold him like he could protect him from the world and all the bad things out there.  He couldn't change the past, but he wanted to protect him in the future.  Holding him close, resting in each others' arms, he could feel Nagi's heart beating and the slight rise and fall of his chest.  The best times were when the brunette actually fell asleep.  It didn't happen too often, and Omi treasured those moments, because that's when Nagi truly felt safe.  Those rare times seemed much more intimate than sex possibly could.  Although that was a bridge they hadn't crossed yet.  

**_~But I don't know quite where to start…~_**

*Nagi*

He wished all the sneaking around was over.  That he could be with Omi today, tomorrow… forever.  But that would mean either telling his 'family' and getting their blessing, or leaving without a trace.  The one was unthinkable… he couldn't leave.  Unusual as they were, Schwarz was his family, the only one he'd had.  He couldn't just vanish.  And the other… 

He was afraid.  He didn't know how they would react, how they would feel.  Even though they weren't fighting Weiss anymore… would they still think him a traitor?  Would they kill him?  Kill Omi?  It tore him apart to have to lie to them like this.  But it hurt just as much not to see Omi.  Not to see the one person his age who understood, who didn't judge him by his past, who didn't see him as a freak.

It hurt so much.  But he didn't know how to resolve the situation.  How could he talk to his family when they had never really 'talked' before?

Biting his lip, he felt a single hot tear trace its lonely way down his pale cheek.

**_~By looking in his eyes, / Will I see beyond tomorrow?...~_**

*Omi*

For the first time in his young life, Omi found himself thinking of the future.  He had never really done so before.  He had always lived for 'now'… because with what he did, the chances were good that some night his life would suddenly end.  He never wanted any regrets, never wanted any thoughts of 'I should have' to carry with him into whatever afterlife awaited one such as he.  But now… now he would regret leaving Nagi.  Now he was thinking about a life beyond what he did, a life free of blood.  

He would be graduating from high school in a couple months.  The others had been encouraging him to retire… or at least if he felt he had to continue for Kritiker, to do so in a non-lethal capacity.  He had more knowledge than most operatives twice his age; he could easily be useful training others.  And there was always the intel department.  Manx was subtlety suggesting that they retire as a unit.  They had been serving longer than most teams did in the field, and had been through more than enough pain.  They deserved their rest.  But as always, the decision would be made as a team.  Omi suspected the others were waiting for him to make the first move.

Could there be a life beyond Weiss?  Could he find a way to share that life with the one person who deserved peace even more than he did?

**_~By looking in his eyes, / Will I see beyond the sorrow, that I feel?...~_**

*Nagi*

That first tear was followed by another, and then another, until for the first time in years, he was crying.  He dropped the book to the floor and buried his face in his knees.  How could this have happened?  How could he have let something affect him this much?

He wasn't supposed to be able to feel like this.  He had walled off his feelings years ago.  Emotions could be used against him, they were a weakness.  But Omi made him feel, forced him to feel, to express, to be… open.

Seeing how Omi's eyes danced with his joy or fell with his sorrow.  He was alive.  Truly alive.  In a way that Nagi didn't think he had ever been.  He was sure he had never been like that.  Happy, innocent, wonderful Omi had never really seen the depths to which humanity could sink.  Had never experienced that pain.  He had seen a lot… had lived through a lot… but it wasn't the same.

His eyes held something special for Nagi… redemption.  He felt like the blond could help him absolve himself of the things he'd done, in the name of survival, at their masters' bidding, in retribution for the pain he felt.  Before Omi he'd thought himself beyond forgiveness… not worthy of such things.  But from the blond there was no censure, no judgment, only love…

But was he worthy of such a gift?

**_~Will his eyes reveal to me, / Promises, or lies?...~_**

*Nagi*

Omi's eyes and words held the promise of love.  And that more than even forgiveness Nagi desired beyond all things.  To be loved.  He'd been cared for, by his fellow Schwarz members, but it wasn't the same.  At most it was brotherly love, or responsibility for the youngest and smallest.  Omi's love appeared to be unconditional.

But was it?

If Nagi couldn't find a way to tell his family about what they had, would Omi leave in disgust?  How patient could the blond boy be?  He would be graduating soon, what if he wanted more than Nagi, who was younger, could give?  

The brunette pulled his blanket around his shoulders, curling up in a ball of doubt and misery.

**_~But he can't conceal from me, / The love in his eyes!...~_**

*Omi*

It was so hard, to figure out what Nagi was feeling.  At times the younger boy had an impenetrable mask that concealed what he was feeling and thinking.  The idea that he could express his wants and desires seemed beyond him at times.  But Omi had learned how to read those minute expressions the boy could make, those little flashes that showed most strongly in his midnight eyes.

His face might not show anything, but in his eyes… that's where the emotions burned.

**_~I know their every look, / His eyes…~_**

*Nagi*

He forced his tears back; afraid someone would come in and catch him.  HE didn't cry.  Not since he was a very young child.  Since Crawford had found him, he could count the times he had cried on one hand.  But he found it harder to suppress his emotions the more he was around Omi.

Omi.  He was free with his tears.  He wasn't afraid to show them… to have the world know that he was sad or in pain.  He had never had his emotions used against him.  But his eyes were so caring.  Just picturing the blond in his mind made him feel better.  

As soon as he saw Omi's eyes, he could tell exactly what kind of mood the older teen was in.  His eyes never lied.  His almost overwhelming genkiness was an effective mask, but his eyes told the truth.  He wondered if Omi's teammates had ever noticed.  How sometimes… the brightest smile masked the deepest pain.

**_~They're like an open book, / His eyes…~_**

*Omi*

He had noticed a change over time.  Slowly, Nagi was becoming less guarded, less hesitant.  His emotions weren't on display for everyone to see of course, but to Omi… they were clear as glass.

And lately… they had shown the strain the brunette was under.  Yet, Omi wasn't certain that this time away from each other was really a good idea.  The problem wasn't going to go away, not until they confronted it, head on.  This time apart… only let Nagi push those emotions he feared so much back where they couldn't be seen… couldn't be felt.  Couldn't be seen… except in his eyes.

**_~But most of all the look, / That hypnotized me!...~_**

*Nagi*

He remembered the first time he'd seen Bombay.  They had 'met' as opposing hackers a couple times before, always ending in a draw, but that first time he'd seen the blond in person.  Schu had dragged him along when he had a surveillance shift.  They had been parked for hours outside a warehouse, where Takatori's associates were running some type of smuggling ring, their 'boss' suspected his 'friends' of double-crossing him.  Then Weiss had shown up.  

Since Takatori didn't care one way or the other about the targets, Schu decided they should just leave the creeps to their fate.  But he wanted to see Weiss in action and hauled Nagi along for the ride.  They lurked about the narrow catwalk under the lights and waited for the show to start.  Abyssinian charged in first of course, he had a knack for dramatic entrances, Siberian on his heels.  As they sliced and diced, Balinese appeared to collar one of the more cowardly, and fleeing, targets.  As one got away from the fray, out of the shadows stepped Bombay.

The man, seeing only a smaller opponent, charged the blond, drawing a gun.  Bombay didn't flinch.  His hand dipped into his jacket and whipped out again in one fluid motion.  Before the man finished pulling his gun, three darts had hit.  Nagi's eyes widened and he looked back to the Weiss member.  The blond didn't lose his focus, even as his opponent thrashed on the floor, victim to the quick acting poison.  He had another round of darts ready, just in case.  As the man's struggles slowed, he cast his gaze around, searching for other targets.  As his eyes passed over where they were hid, Nagi swore for a second, the assassin looked straight at him.  It took all he had not to flinch.  But the boy's eyes moved on and then, determining that there were no more targets to be had, concealed his darts and melted back into the shadows he'd emerged from.

He and Schu had slipped out before Kritiker's clean-up team arrived.  The redhead had mumbled all the way home about the other team, critiquing their techniques.  But Nagi never forgot, that one second when Bombay's eyes seemed to meet his own.

**_~If I'm wise, / I will walk away, / And gladly…~_**

*Omi*

He knew the smart thing to do, would be to walk away from this relationship, before anyone found out.  Before one or both of them got in trouble… or ended up dead.  It would be the smart thing…

**_~But, sadly, I'm not wise, / It's hard to talk away / The mem'ries that you prize!...~_**

*Nagi*

He knew what he 'should' do… what would be safe… what would be smart… 

But he was tired of doing what he was supposed to do.  Tired of being the wise one.  Tired of being the one who always denied himself what HE wanted.  For once he had something he wanted to fight for… something… someone… he just couldn't walk away from.  

Maybe he wasn't as smart as everyone said.

**_~Love is worth forgiving for! / Now I realize – Everything worth living for is there, / In his eyes!...~_**

*Omi*

Enough was enough!

This separation did neither of them any good.  He sat up to his desk and jiggled the mouse, dismissing the screen saver.  He didn't know what might happen… no one could.  Well, except maybe Crawford… but regardless… Nagi was worth it.  What they had, and might have in the future, was worth it.  It was worth fighting for, if need be.

He connected to the internet and started the instant messenger program they favored.  The brunette might not be using his computer now… but this would alert him when the Nagi did come online.  Then… he'd tell him what HE had decided.

**_~Love is worth forgiving for, / Now I realize – Everything worth living for is there, / In his eyes!~_**

*Nagi*

He quickly wiped his face, just in case there was a lingering tear or two.  Pushing aside his blanket, he stood and made his way to his room at the end of the hall.  He turned on his computer.  As it booted up, he heard the front door open and Schu's voice calling out that they were home.  Hearing voices but not the actual words, he hoped their good moods continued.  He had to see if Omi was online.  Then he would tell him the decision he had come to… and see what he thought.  Then… then he would talk to the others.

He had to take the chance.  Living a life without love… wasn't worth living.  For the first time, he wanted that love… and for that he would take this chance… and fight for it if he had to.

He smiled, seeing that Omi was online.  His fingers poised over the keyboard…

-Owari-

AN: ooooh… I know I'm gonna get harassed for that one… ^___^


End file.
